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         "You're in Maine Now"             

 
It seems a man in Topeka, Kansas decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco and started working east to zigzag across the states from there. He went to a very large church and began taking pictures.

He spotted a golden telephone on a wall and was intrigued by a sign that read: "$10,000.00 a minute." Seeking out the pastor he asked about the phone and the sign. The pastor answered that this golden phone was, in fact, a direct line to Heaven and if he were to pay the price he could talk directly to God. He thanked the pastor and continued on his way.

Visiting churches in Seattle, Boise, Denver, Minneapolis, Chicago, Milwaukee, New York, and other places, he found more phones with the same sign. From each pastor he received the same answer.

Finally, he arrived in the northeast part of the U.S. Upon entering a church, low and behold, he saw the usual golden telephone, but this time the sign read: "Calls: 35 cents." Fascinated, he asked of the pastor, "Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I have found this very same golden telephone, and I have been told it is a direct line to Heaven, and that I could talk to God. However, in the other churches, the cost was $10,000.00 a minute. Your sign reads 35 cents a call. Why?"

The pastor, smiling benignly, replied: "Son, you're in Maine now. It's a local call."
 

Maine Temperature Conversion Chart
(temperatures in Fahrenheit)

60 above: New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
People in Maine plant gardens.
>
50 above: Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Maine sunbathe.
>
40 above: Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Maine drive with the windows down.
>
32 above: Distilled water freezes.
Moosehead Lake's water gets thicker.
>
20 above: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear,
gloves and woolly hats.
People in Maine throw on a flannel shirt.
>
15 above: New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Maine have the last cook-out before it gets cold.
>
0: People in Miami all die...
Mainers close the windows.
>
10 below: Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Maine get out their winter coats.
>
25 below: Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Maine are selling cookies door to door.
>
40 below: Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Maine let the dog sleep indoors.
>
100 below: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Maine-iacs get frustrated because they can't start the kah.
>
460 below: ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale).
People in Maine start saying...."Cold 'nuff for ya?" (answer: "ayuh")
>
500 below: Hell freezes over.
New England Patriots win the Super Bowl.

---Source Unknown---