Bayville Beat, Boothbay Register, August 2, 2007
By Peter Jordan
Columnist

You didn't get your invitation? Don't just stand there staring! Put the newspaper down, step away from it slowly, pick up your phone, punch in 633-2427, and beg Betty LaPointe to let you in to coastal New England's premiere summer social event, the annual Bayville Lobster Bake, Bash, and Brawl at the dock.

Reservations are officially closed, but due to the fact that Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan had other commitments, at least two reservations (that means four - count 'em - FOUR lobsters!) are still available. Beg, bribe, wheedle, and whine - do whatever it takes to weaken Betty's resolve and lower the bar for you.

The Lobster Bake starts with a BYOB cocktail hour at 5 p.m., with the seafood served promptly at 6 p.m. The brawling and bashing begin at dark when previously amiable Bayvillians start arguing about who's on clean-up duty and whether anything left over from the BYOB phase of the evening is community property.

The Lobster Bake will also give us a chance to settle scores after Saturday morning's annual meeting of the Bayville Village Corporation, which begins at 9 a.m., following a test of the community siren at 8:45 a.m. Civic leaders claim the siren test is a necessary safety precaution. Some of us know better - boys will be boys.

One of the few new items on the otherwise mundane warrant for the town meeting is #26: "TO APPROPRIATE MONEY FOR PAYMENT TO THE STATE OF MAINE FOR THE VILLAGE'S SUBMERGED LAND LEASE." This sounds like one of those Florida waterfront deals that turns out to be a gator sanctuary, but if the state of Maine can get rent for underwater land, more power to them.

Other than the submerged land payment, about the only other new item is a poodle suppression ordinance. Otherwise, the town meeting will deal with the usual nuts and bolts of running a municipality -- maintaining roads, plowing snow (a distant memory, but just you wait), hearing a report on the sewer system (YAWN), and paying utilities.

In spite of - or maybe because of - the thick fog Saturday, the third annual international waterfront festival made a big splash (groan), thanks to the hard work and fanatic organization of Julie Merrill, who cancelled the adult kayaking event after several Bayvillians disappeared toward Cabbage and still haven't been seen.

New this year was the boat-building contest, in which ten teams of young boatbuilders designed and built miniature yachts, then followed David Merrill (like the Pied Piper, says Julie, except David brought the children back and hasn't done anything about the rats) to the Nielsen float, where they launched the miniature watercraft toward shore. "They all got somewhere," Julie says.

Another highlight was the greased watermelon relay. Two official Greasers and Ploppers (Julie insists this is the official title used by the IGWRA - International Greased Watermelon Relay Association) launched the watermelons, after which two hordes of young swimmers jumped into the 70 degree water and pushed them around a mark and back to the dock.

At some point in the festivities, Barbara and Mark Spencer laid on a magnificent spread for the participants, and even served munchies to gawkers and the press.

Most of the events had multiple winners, but Andrea Nielsen wants everyone to be clear that the blindfolded rowing contest had only ONE winner. Modesty (NOT) prevents her from telling who it was.

With all the contests, confusion, and conviviality, it's not surprising that we're aging rapidly. John Michael Roberts turned six last week, celebrating at the beach with friends, family, and hermit crabs. And Phil Roberts wants everyone to know that John Merrill turned 50 a couple of weeks ago. (How many decades ago was it that YOU passed that milestone, Phil?)

Speaking of Roberts, almost every Roberts in the country was reportedly at a family reunion on Barter's Island last week, says Al Roberts. "I saw people I hadn't seen for 40 years," said Alfred. "Every convict in the state of Maine was there."

The Wolframs had a smaller family reunion. Nancy's visitors included her cousin Louise Forbush from Sausalito, along with Louise's niece Meg Menkov, Meg's husband Boro, and their children Anika, 5, and Stella, 4.

The Bayville Beat is offering a free navigational class, "Rocks in and Near Linekin Bay." Nothing teaches like experience.

If you want your name speled rite, send e-mail to peterjordan@mind spring.com , otherwise, you taik wat u get.